Torture Porn Thriller - A Tragic Hit & Miss.

I know who killed Lindsay's career. And so does she.

  Unfortunately, the bits that show Lindsay working the pole are the most interesting in the entire movie.
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It's sad that Lindsay Lohan is again in trouble with the law and that she is even facing a couple of days in jail, the Paris Hilton style. However, last week, the thought that Lindsay's credibility as a person was totally shattered was somehow bearable, since we were still under the impression that her latest movie, the one she made before her previous meltdown, DUI bust and rehab stint, would still work magic for her, that it would mysteriously redeem her in the eyes of the public through that which, in the end, is the only thing that mattered: her acting skills.

Today, we know what killed Lindsay's career. And it was Lindsay herself. For those who did not take part in the whole LiLo-plays-a-stripper madness, here are some clues: before her previous arrest and consequent trip to rehab, Lindsay started working on a new movie, a thriller that, if only for the fact that it was to show a lot of the skin of the former Disney wonderchild, was pretty promising. Plus, in the past, Lindsay gave some hints as to her being rather talented and able to rise to a new challenge. But the main attraction of 'I Know Who Killed Me' was, in the end, the fact that it seemed twisted and captivating. And that it had Lindsay play a stripper.

No matter how much we might resent Lindsay as a person, this is not about her personal life (for once!). This is about a movie so poor and ridiculous that it can be pinpointed as the sole cause for the demise of Lohan's acting career. The thriller premiered this Friday in select theaters and, useless to say, the critics finally got to see why the producers fought like lions to prevent press screenings prior to that date: to put it mildly, 'I Know' sucked. Big time! And the result of said sucking can be seen in its evolution in the box-office - over the weekend, the movie failed to move farther than the number 9 spot, grossing around $3.4 million (which is probably half the main star's salary for it and way far from the allocated budget of $35 million!).

Shot entirely in blue and red, 'I Know Who Killed Me' focuses on the story of Aubrey, a talented self-titled novelist who is abducted and tortured, to the shock of the entire city. Two weeks later, Aubrey is found chopped - only that it's not Aubrey anymore, but some loose-moralled chick who likes to be called Dakota. And that's basically all the movie has to offer: director Chris Sivertson goes out of his way to make sure there's no ambiguity as to who's Aubrey (all scenes shot in blue) or Dakota (red scenes). There's no tension, no mystery - nothing to make you sit on the edge of your seat. Even more, as if to make things easier, both director and screenwriter seem to have done their best as to completely eliminate the need for an explanation for the abduction, the torture and all the gruesome scenes. Overall, 'I Know Who Killed Me' fails.

Either because they got too carried away with Lindsay's latest mischiefs or because they simply could not bear to watch the movie from beginning to end, the critics proved to be merciless when it came to reviewing it. From 'inept' to 'complete waste of time', this 'torture porn thriller' was considered a professional career choice Lindsay must have made when under the (alleged) influence of drugs. Also, the fact that she put herself so much in the spotlight makes it very hard to try and focus on her onscreen persona and not immediately make a connection with her own troubled life. It's sad, but we kinda saw it coming miles away...

Below is the official trailer for 'I Know Who Killed Me' and, just like all trailers, it still looks appealing enough, as the kind of movie you watch when there are a lot of chores to be done in the house and you simply can't find the energy to get up from your bed. The second clip is a spoof of the first one - 'I Know Who Killed My Career' - done by a very smart dude/dudette, who reached the conclusion that, in Lohan's case, life does imitate art and vice versa. Enjoy!



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By    30 Jul 2007, 08:34 GMT