Women could be very demanding in many aspects, but when they deal with sex, they seem to be less exigent. "And most women keep their dissatisfaction with sex a secret, leaving their partners (let alone their doctors) in the dark," said Anita Clayton, a psychiatrist who focuses on women's sexuality at the University of Virginia Health System.
"Whereas men, if they have trouble with sex, it's a crisis. They run to the doctor and say 'I need something for this.' Women don't do that. They just sort of stuff it down and push it further down on the list," Clayton said.
"Often, a female patient will visit me with issues like marital problems or depression, and only when directly asked about sex, the patient would divulge dissatisfaction", she said.
Several factors were found to cause a woman's lack of sexual satisfaction.
_ the lack of sexual satisfaction can make a woman place sex at the very bottom of her priorities list and this way, sex turned into just another common task, while she focuses on the ever-growing to-do list. "Work and family come first. We end up putting sex low on the priority list. Then when our partner initiates sex, it's just another task. I really believe that we as women accept a level of dissatisfaction that we don't need to accept."
_the sex they practice does not fulfill their emotional needs, and an orgasm is not the key. "Some women did complain about difficulty reaching orgasm or lack of sexual desire, but frequently they just felt an overall letdown regarding sex. It tends to be this feeling that they're not satisfied and a lot of times that's on an emotional level. They might have had an orgasm. But many women don't feel like [an orgasm is] the end-all, be-all every time they have sex," Clayton explained.
_ many women regard the unrealistic physical perfection exhibited in the media as something they do not fit and become unhappy with their bodies and this can turn having sex into an even less appealing activity. "Women are so obsessed with our physical appearance, and we really are trying to achieve some idealized woman's body that we see in the media. We always feel like we're lacking," said Clayton.
_ they do not dare formulating demands in bed, fearing their partner will receive it bad or believe they are too hard to satisfy. Because women do not know the cause of their lack of satisfaction, they believe it's their fault or just hide it from their partner. Plus, "women don't have a clear awareness of their sexual desires because of social, cultural or religious beliefs that label such female wants as shameful." said Clayton.
_ some drugs, antidepressants, can decrease a woman's sexual drive and ability to reach orgasm.
Clayton proposes some suggestions for invigorating the sexual life. "You don't have to be a sexy bombshell-looking person to have great sex. It's really not about that. We might think that Victoria's Secret models have a great sex life, but their sex life is no better than anybody else's," Clayton said.
A confident sexual behavior and sensuality can push up sex life. And sex should get a higher priority, the laundry can wait for another day. "Guys can be more open to talking about what a woman wants in bed, to the point of initiating the conversation," Clayton said. "And to make more time for sex, men can help a girlfriend or wife with tasks around the house."